Everything.

So as the title says, this is going to be everything. This is going to be me being very open about myself, my life, my habits, my worries, etc.

The people that read this blog, while dwindling, are all people that I feel comfortable sharing ME with. Obviously I’m not gonna be sharing my SSN or other nonsense. I’m not THAT dense. Anyway. On we go.

So… Me.

I’m a pretty normal dude from the outside looking in. As are we all. My hobbies are nothing out of the ordinary. Writing obviously. Legos. Wood-carving on and off. Gaming. Gaming is fun but I beat myself up about it CONSTANTly. Any amount of time that I spend doing so, I’m sitting there thinking about what a waste of life I am for doing so. The others, the ones where I’m making something, carving something, building something, etc? That’s usually so I feel like I’m NOT a waste of life. That’s me trying to balance it out, and vice versa. Not a very healthy situation but hardly the worst.

I’m like… at LEAST the second most anxious person I know. An argument could be made for first. Why? Honestly it’s a pretty big combination of who I am, the way I was raised, and the things I’ve done in my life. I’ve done a handful of things that I’m not proud of. Two handfuls actually, maybe more. And some of those things were done in secret, so although I am no longer in those positions, I’ve adopted a guilty conscience that won’t leave. I could have done absolutely nothing, and yet the second somebody says “Hey can I talk to you for a sec?” my heart races, and my mind starts doing gymnastics, thinking about every and any bad thing that I’ve ever done in my life, and how that could possibly connect to today and my interaction with this person. Also not healthy.

Of the handfuls of regretted actions, one of them involves my time at Great Lakes Adventist Academy. I’m still not comfortable going into detail, nor do you want that I’m sure, but my time there ended when they decided that I was a threat to myself and to those around me. That was a dark time for me. I have never seen myself that way, and I’ve never wanted anyone to see me that way, and I’d never want to do something that warrants seeing me that way. But nonetheless, I was seen as the potential threat, with myself and others as the victims.

Throwing this next part into the mix will be fun, because I’ve talked about this with maybe… 5 people ever? Maybe 4? During my early (?) high school years, with no added detail of who or where, as it doesn’t matter anymore, I went through some SA at the hands of a woman my age. I’m not trying to downplay it, but there are people that have had it much worse. I was not harmed, but unwanted sexual advances/actions of any kind are nothing to take lightly, and I carried it with me in silence for YEARS because in my head, it never happens/happened to guys.

So with that having happened, the events of GLAA broke me. Having to be seen as the problem, or the threat, when you’re a victim. When you’ve BEEN a victim. When you need the help, and there’s nobody there to do so. When you can’t attempt to explain your words or actions, and are forced out of a family that you never wanted to lose.

That ended my church affiliation. I was no longer willing to associate myself with those that had handled my situation, countless others, and my parent’s separation (to name a few) so poorly. And I know that there are those out there saying “You don’t go to church for the people!” and while that’s technically true, a church is just people. You can get out of the Bible on your nightstand what you can get out of the one in the pew.

I don’t know what I am currently, but I like the idea of Omnism(?). The idea that there is truth to be found in each set of beliefs. I believe that there is something out there. Someone out there. Whichever. I believe in intelligent design. I believe there is something after death, physically, mentally, spiritually, or otherwise.

I am a lover by nature. I’m not sure if my middle name being Romeo is cause or effect in this, but it is true. And it is dangerous for me to be so, considering my anxious mind and other aforementioned baggage. I want nothing more than to love and be loved. To be a husband and a father. To be the man I know I can be. Each and all of us have things that we must actively fight from time to time, and I am no different. For me, while I’m not sure if this is a learned trait, inherited, or otherwise, I have a huge fear of being alone. My biggest fear is being alone forever. Not just in a relationship sense, but in a FULL sense. Family leaving. Friends leaving. Etc. It’s weird because I’m okay alone? Like I don’t HAVE to be in a relationship, I know that when the time is right it will all work out. (1) Anyway. That fear of being alone (with a side order of being emotionally hurt) can look for a lot of people like having a back up plan. And that sucks. I’ve seen that happen in relationships close to me, sometimes even overlapping, and I don’t want to be that guy. Ever. I am a lover, and I want ONE person to have my love. At the same time, I show my love most often through physical touch. Hugs are my THING.

And yet.

I for all the reasons mentioned above, am afraid of doing so. Because I’ve seen myself as that threat that they made me for so long. Because while I crave physical touch, it still scares the high schooler inside me a little.

I think that’s probably enough for tonight.

This is already way longer than I thought it would be.

Thank you for reading. For understanding. For caring.

Please don’t have a pity party or anything. This isn’t me asking for anything. I just had to talk about it. I was tired of people not seeing me for who I am, who I’ve been, and what I’ve gone through as an individual.

Goodnight everyone.

-Dominic Romeo

23:10 CST MAY 31 2025

GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN

(1) And if she’s reading this? I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here. I can’t wait for when you can be and I never have to let go, because I never want to, and I never will. I’m yours. Yours alone. Always and Forever. SHMILY